Mugs

Too many mugs around these days -.-

Be my Valentine..... for the rest of my life?

Being alone blows, then u have a day when every one is cuddling,everything in the stores are all pink and fluffy and cuddly, even going to buy dinner was hellish, cos my favorite restaurant(I tot I'd give myself a treat) was full of couples and so I skipped dinner.

Highlight of my day: I turned on my laptop and I had a heart of roses waiting for me on my Facebook wall... Yes yes, ppl would say I am pathetic, but it brought so much joy,and tears too...I'm not all alone after all... Someone loves me, cares enough to leave me a message...

I love you... We are miles apart, and all the days seem so hard, but I know we'll pull through... I hope we will, cos I don't see a future without you.

My brioche, my valentine... I hope and pray you'll always be mine <3

Lost

Emotionally in turmoil... The impending question: will I be whole again?

I am walking around with this hole in my heart, feeling like the shell of who I used to be. Days dragged into weeks, and weeks have turned into months, how much more must I endure?

How much stronger must I be? Because I don't think I am strong... I need my 'wonder wall '.... I need him so much.......

You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.

Strength... how strong is strong enough?
if being strong is being able to be apart for an unknown period of time with minimum contact with someone, i am almost certain i cant without then... i dont know if i can strong for much longer...

but i must be... i cannot give up... i must endure, i must keep faith, i must .. i must...

tht will have to be my new mantra... until the time is right for us.
besides, what else can i do?

Hello 2012.... please be kind

so another has passed.. and i am faced with another 366 days... last year was full of hurdles, heartbreaks, and a roller coaster of emotions.truth be told, i can do with a calmer, uneventful year. last year has taken its toll on me, physically and mentally. feels like i've aged by 10 years.

life is difficult, and the world is full of problems, i suppose i shouldn't be whining about mine so much, as they may seem so trivial in the larger scheme of things.
but its overwhelming sometimes, and i can't help it....

i plan to face the coming year with more optimism, try to brush the negativity away,even though it creeps into me at times, sneaking up on me.
no resolutions, most resolutions are not kept anyways... i just gotta try to be the best i can be, smile, and grit my teeth through adversities and soldier on.
after all, life goes on, whether we like it or not... so come what may...

expect the worst, but hope for the best ... i guess :L

So Long 2011 and thanks for all the Fish!

another week left of the crappy crappy year i've had.... people say count your blessings...
well.. 2011, hard to think of any positives..
2 horse died...kinda had my heart ripped apart...can't be with the man i am in love with...morale and self confidence in shreds...can't even look into the mirror recently, feeling down and out...'friends' whom i have trusted and loved for years of my life turned out to be... well not so friendly..the list goes on.....
while all this might sound like self-pity, the fact is, it all happened, and i feel like crap over what has happened.. so there.. 2011 YOU SUCK!!


i hate going into the new year all full of uncertainty, i need to be more positive... its hard though, am doing the best i can to hold back the tears and keep the faith.
i hope so much things will turn out better in the coming year... i think i've reached this pivotal point in life, where every move i make will have a drastic impact on me... the thought of this scares me to death, i wake up in cold sweat in the middle of the night..thinking to myself.. what if this is it.. your whole life amounts to this : NOTHING

i miss being held, and being loved and i miss loving and holding on to the person i love.
i just wish things, life could be a little bit easier... i am not asking to be fed with a silver spoon... i just wish there'd be less obstacles...less barriers.

i will head into the New Year with as much optimism as i can muster.
i just hope my heart isn't ripped into shreds all over again... a person can only take so much setbacks in life. and i have had alot....

homesick.....

am home away from home... does that make sense?/
after 2 days of travelling,pondering and stressing, i'm finally beside my precious dogs :)
but apart form the 2 furry furry babies i have... i feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar with my surroundings, a stranger to the people who were once my friends,

conversations are tense and weary.
i have nothing to say to anyone,
all i want to do is curl up in bed till its time to leave again.

i miss him,
i miss the laughter,
i miss the hugs,
i even miss the fights
i miss everything so so much

how do i make time pass faster?
how can i find a solution for us both
i hope and pray all this hurt and pain is not for nothing,
i need to believe again.
believe in the power of love

i feel so alone and in the dark,
i take refuge in the tiny things,
the offline messages,
the short conversations,
i dont know what else to do....