another week left of the crappy crappy year i've had.... people say count your blessings...
well.. 2011, hard to think of any positives..
2 horse died...kinda had my heart ripped apart...can't be with the man i am in love with...morale and self confidence in shreds...can't even look into the mirror recently, feeling down and out...'friends' whom i have trusted and loved for years of my life turned out to be... well not so friendly..the list goes on.....
while all this might sound like self-pity, the fact is, it all happened, and i feel like crap over what has happened.. so there.. 2011 YOU SUCK!!
i hate going into the new year all full of uncertainty, i need to be more positive... its hard though, am doing the best i can to hold back the tears and keep the faith.
i hope so much things will turn out better in the coming year... i think i've reached this pivotal point in life, where every move i make will have a drastic impact on me... the thought of this scares me to death, i wake up in cold sweat in the middle of the night..thinking to myself.. what if this is it.. your whole life amounts to this : NOTHING
i miss being held, and being loved and i miss loving and holding on to the person i love.
i just wish things, life could be a little bit easier... i am not asking to be fed with a silver spoon... i just wish there'd be less obstacles...less barriers.
i will head into the New Year with as much optimism as i can muster.
i just hope my heart isn't ripped into shreds all over again... a person can only take so much setbacks in life. and i have had alot....
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