"hello?? anybody home? "... knocking myselfin the head

time to wake up, it was good while it lasted.... better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.......... right?

no regrets, just overwhelming sadness...

When it rains..it pours...t

so much for optimism, faith, hope and all that crap....

how can things go so wrong in just 24hrs?

am feeling useless, hopeless, all in all good for nothing... i have nothing to offer except words, and when crap is raining down on someone you hold near and dear to your hear, what good are words?

the future feels more bleak with each passing day, if only there was an easy way to just end it all,end all the doubt, the heartache, the pain, the suffering...

alcohol is no longer a viable option, i feel so lost and aimless, feels like am just walking around and round a maze, in the fog... that's how unclear life has become.

i really don't know who i am, what to do or where to go anymore...... LOST is an understatement at this juncture of my so called life...

an attempt .... at Optimism... :)

its Good Friday,and memories of those schooldays come flooding back..like a dam has broken...
reminiscing those care free days,remembering the simplicity of life...they always used to tell us that in school :"girls when you grow up, you'll learn to appreciate everything we're doing for you now"
ahhhhh....it takes me 20yrs to realize the truth of those words...feeling homesick,how i wish i could take that bus ride back to KC, then walk around the school grounds, and sit in the tiny chapel...

Lent, always brings back the songs we used to sing in school and church...and ironically, the one hymn that keeps ringing in my mind...is "I Believe".... just when i've about given up hope on everything, my subconsience is singing "I Believe"... now we know why the title of my Blog is Dazed&Confused... :L

I believe for every drop of rain that falls
A flower grows
I believe that somewhere in the darkest night
A candle glows
I believe for everyone who goes astray, someone will come
To show the way
I believe, I believe

I believe above a storm the smallest prayer
Can still be heard
I believe that someone in the great somewhere
Hears every word

Everytime I hear a new born baby cry,
Or touch a leaf or see the sky
Then I know why, I believe

Everytime I hear a new born baby cry,
Or touch a leaf or see the sky
Then I know why, I believe

The words are beautiful though, and easter brings forth new beginnings and hope right?Maybe i can finally crawl out of the abyss of depression...maybe...just maybe...

who knows?

Dark side of the moon.....................

sometimes, it justs feels as though i'm banging my head against a brick wall. like no matter what i do, how hard i try, there's no way through...

am in a dark dark place right now... "crying' brings sadness?...i wouldnt be crying if i weren't sad right?... i know i know... gotta get the positive energy flowing, gotta be patient, things will work out....but right now i feel like a turtle on his back, no matter how much i struggle i cant get back on my feet.

i feel lost,i feel left out in the cold, i feel alone and i worse of all i feel scared.Before,it kinda felt like cold feet...now when reality slapped in the face... i realized, i cant live without him, i simply cant... the mere thought of not being able to be together, it is tearing into pieces,my heart slowly reaping into shreds....
how can i not cry when the pain is so intense?

for the first time in my life.... i am faced with options, and not being able to take the harder one,just the simple fact is killing slowly bit by bit,everyday.

fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!fucking fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am sick n tired of everything n everyone around me.... Depression?

Officer Crabtree Allo Allo