and the days go on and on and on and on and on......................

days have blended into weeks which has just turned into a month.... i've done nothing of any importance, seen no where new, same old shops, same old streets, same old heartaches, same arguments...everything is the same...no correction, everything is STAGNANT... Stagnant is not good, stagnant means no growth, so what now?

theres a white elephant in the room... we don't talk about her, but i feel here presence, i don't like it, sometimes i wanna runaway,be with myself for a bit, its not easy pretending to be deceived, i don't understand all the deception in the first place... just make a simple choice i am not holding anyone's heart captive, why all the sneaking around? why go through so much trouble to lie.....

exhausted, tired of this emotional limbo, not knowing what is what... who is who to whom... just once, the bare naked truth would be nice. at least it shows my intelligence isnt being under-estimated

what happens now?

it only gets harder....

it only brings on more heartache...

it only crushes you daily...

my love...my liffe... my everything...

Miles away from my 4-legged friends, don't know when i'll ever see them again...

The constant void within, so hard to fill... simple things remind me of them, waking up and not finding Zephyr's furry face beside mine, or watching the telly and pictures of horses come on, and that indescribable feeling of "missing"... a pang that hits the pit of my stomach...

We make choices in life, and hope for the best it works out, that the choices are the right ones, someone told me once, its not worth it if it hurts too much... what about numbness... when everything's a void... this vacuum that was once used to vibrant with life...

Such melancholy... so many tears, and you wonder why... how...

will this void ever be filled?

what happens now?