Phone calls that wake u up early in the mornings are never good... mine today was a call to inform me that my horse Lucky had passed away in the middle of the night....The death of a pet is never easy.... people say he's just an animal blah blah blah....he was sick blah blah blah..fact is.. and this may offend people, but i like the company of animals more than people.... there! i said it...
no.. i am not anti-social, neither am i one of those vegans (there is nothing wrong with being vegan... just stating i am not one...) i just happen to have had a childhood where i grew up with animals around me... and i feel comfortable and at ease with them, i feel like i can be who i really am without being judged, they won't care if i am depressed and just wanna sulk, they don't care if i am in an awesome mood, they are just happy to see me... i don't know if i am puting these in the right words... my mind is kinda in a state of frenzy right now... afterall, how much bad news can a person handle? how much down time can a person cope with before falling into a state of utter depression, i want so much to sit in my pajamas, eat chocolates and stay in bed... but life and visa applications wait for no one... so in the morning, off to the shower, on goes the make up and off i go, forcing that smile, doing stuff, that in the back of my mind seem pointless, cause i think i've reached the state where i don't give 2 fucks about life and all the crap that goes with it.
yes yes... i am angry, i hate that i havent had a piece of good news in ages, i hate the fact that i have to shoulder hurt and pain ALONE, all the bloody time... i mean give me a break already!!! NEWS FLASH : i am not that strong... i am a normal, vulnerable person trying to be strong.
yes yes.. i am venting.. what else can i do... where else can i do it? i'm "strong" remember?
i am gonna miss my Lucky so much... his neighing when he hears my truck pull up... the way he munches apples and sugarcubes non stop, the way he nuzzles me to ask for more snacks, the way he listens when i tell him secrets... he listens...i swear he does...i can see it in his eyes...
he was sick... i bought him so that he could have a nice place to retire and die in peace... and he did just that the past few months on my plantation... but part of me.. still believed in miracles and i thought i'd have a few more years, 2 at least... more to spend with him..
am glad he waited for me to come back before passing... at least now i get to have closure by arranging and deciding his resting place and all that...
Gwenn....I too live and work with animals daily and it really hurts when you lose one or even sometimes when they are ill. You feel their pain and often wish they could speak so you could put their mind at rest. I' m sure you will have many photos and memories of Lucky which you will treasure.
ReplyDeleteTake care, Graeme.
Sis! I am terribly sorry about Lucky, and I truly understand what you mean. People who say animals are just animals, don't understand the fact that those animals are better than them! I agree with you, I mean dogs for example; I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone with a dog than people, because unlike people, dogs don't wait until you turn your back to grab the closest knife and stab you where it hurts the most!
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, Lucky will be happy now with all his horsie friends :)