and the days go on and on and on and on and on......................

days have blended into weeks which has just turned into a month.... i've done nothing of any importance, seen no where new, same old shops, same old streets, same old heartaches, same arguments...everything is the same...no correction, everything is STAGNANT... Stagnant is not good, stagnant means no growth, so what now?

theres a white elephant in the room... we don't talk about her, but i feel here presence, i don't like it, sometimes i wanna runaway,be with myself for a bit, its not easy pretending to be deceived, i don't understand all the deception in the first place... just make a simple choice i am not holding anyone's heart captive, why all the sneaking around? why go through so much trouble to lie.....

exhausted, tired of this emotional limbo, not knowing what is what... who is who to whom... just once, the bare naked truth would be nice. at least it shows my intelligence isnt being under-estimated

what happens now?

it only gets harder....

it only brings on more heartache...

it only crushes you daily...

my love...my liffe... my everything...

Miles away from my 4-legged friends, don't know when i'll ever see them again...

The constant void within, so hard to fill... simple things remind me of them, waking up and not finding Zephyr's furry face beside mine, or watching the telly and pictures of horses come on, and that indescribable feeling of "missing"... a pang that hits the pit of my stomach...

We make choices in life, and hope for the best it works out, that the choices are the right ones, someone told me once, its not worth it if it hurts too much... what about numbness... when everything's a void... this vacuum that was once used to vibrant with life...

Such melancholy... so many tears, and you wonder why... how...

will this void ever be filled?

what happens now?

somedays are good......

somedays are unbearable......

somedays.... i wish i could run.... run far faraway from everyone...

why do i keep doubting myself?

why do i keep thinking i'm not enough?

all i want in life is to be loved as much i love...

i never realized that's such a tall order.

don't try to change him... i keep telling myself,

in time, he will know, he will appreciate all...

am i being naive?

i think so sometimes...

.............spacing out

you know what i really need right now?.... i need to go on a really really long car ride... look out the window,stick the earphones in, block out the world and just space out... let life pass me by while i look out the window...

cos, right now, everything i do feels... i don't know how to describe how i'm feeling...'out of sorts'?

its like i doubt everyone and everything around me... mostly i doubt myself, the decisions i've been making, the path i've chosen for the past 20 years of my life.

............ don't know where i'm headed anymore... how can it be?

♥ ♥ Barca........ ♪ Campeones , Campeones ♪ ole oe oeeeee ♪ Campeones , Campeones ♪ ole oe oeeeee ♪ Campeones , Campeones ♪ ole oe oeeeee ♥ ♥

Finally.something to smile about....

Thank You FC Barcelona.......... who needs prozac when i have u guys!! :)

LOST................

My body is here, i go about daily chores, routine stuff, life like a conveyor belt,monotonous, the days go on and on and on and on...............

My mind, my soul, my heart remains miles away,held by someone i hold so dear,i love so selflessly, but.......why do i feel him, slipping away? i don't know why,but i wake up in the middle of the night, fear gripping hold of me, pure,cold fear, that I'll never be held by the one person i ever loved with so much passion, so hopelessly... the one person who broke down the walls i built... the one person who I've ever been truly happy with.

i can't remember when I've laughed with so much abandon, i cant remember when i felt so safe in any ones arms, i can't remember when i felt alive...then i met him.

"the course of true love never did run smooth" ......... but this is getting ridiculous, we love each other, and we're miles apart, we cant reach each other... and i cant function normally, i don't wanna count the days of our time apart anymore, actually, my days, my nights, my weeks, my months, hours, minutes...have all blended together into one big blur....

i have no idea where i am, what I'm doing, where I'm going........ I've lost direction... and I'm afraid i wont find it until I'm reunited with my compass...

how long can i go on this way? how long can our love stay strong.... i need him, i need to know there is an end to this tunnel I'm crawling through...right now it feels endless. No sign of light... and above all other emotions, it scares me..... it scares the hell out of me. ;((